It’s OK to Die
“It takes a village,” as they say, when the normal flow of life is interrupted by a terminal or life limiting illness. The fog of grief clouds the brain, and panic can set in when the flood of questions begins; How do I even start, who do I need to call, how much time do I have? Is this really happening?
PAUSE, TAKE A BREATH.
There are resources for you. Good ones. Part of my job is presenting these to you, and then handling the logistics of making it all happen. So, you can focus on what is ultimately important. My job is to create space for clients to spend intimate time with themselves, their loved ones, maybe a higher power, and die in a way that is authentic to that individual.
Some of the benefits of hiring a doula include: Saving money, personal advocacy, defining and recording your quality of life standards, avoiding being taken advantage of by imposed systems, being honored and seen as a dying person.
You are not a patient. You are not another sick or old body. You are a conscious individual who has lived a life. I am here to serve you and your loved ones as life comes to an end.
Advocacy
Services
Cancer
Jill has spent much of her career working specifically with clients who have cancer. She is available to help clients navigate their condition whether the client has just received a diagnosis, is in the middle of pursuing clinical trials, deciding on immuno-therapies, or ready to plan for end-of-life. Jill is a strong advocate against suffering and supports medical aid in dying, palliative sedation, and VSED (voluntary stopping of eating and drinking) for those who are terminally ill. She does not support the “survivor narrative” and lets her clients know its OK if they cannot survive. It is not your fault if you die from cancer. There is often a stigma attached to patients who refuse to continue to pursue curative measures. Jill is an expert at facilitating conversations between clients and their loved ones about choices with treatments and quality of life. When dealing with cancer, decision making and quality of life discussions are paramount. The sooner the better to get control over your options and symptom management. Nobody is a failure if they choose to forego or stop treatment. It’s OK to die.
Medical Aid in Dying (MAID)*
Signed in to effect in 2015 by Governor Brown. The End of Life Option Act (ELOA) allows terminally ill adults to request and receive a prescription for medication that they may choose to take to bring about a peaceful death. Jill’s journey with MAID began as soon as the law was signed in California. She has been a volunteer, advocate, and educator with Compassion and Choices since 2015 and is on the Advisory Board for End-of-Life Choices California. She has been trained on how to assemble medications and has been present for over a dozen successful MAID ingestions.
Harmful but common terms for MAID is “euthanasia” or “assisted suicide.” These terms are terribly wrong for the process. Euthanasia implies that somebody else delivers lethal medication to another, someone else is ending your life, like a needle going into an animal. The term suicide implies the person wants to die whereas someone who is qualified for MAID doesn't necessarily want to die, but they are.
With MAID you take the medication yourself on your terms with a clear mind. Medical aid in dying allows you the opportunity to have full control over your moment of death.
Those who qualify for MAID must be of sound mind which excludes people with Alzheimer’s, dementia, and those who have progressed past the point of proper cognitive functioning.
Timing is very, very important. This process can take two to four weeks (even with the updated law starting January 2022) Many start the process too late. It’s important to talk about this with your medical provider as early as possible and start the paperwork. Jill is available to help people find doctors willing to prescribe, pharmacists willing to compound, help complete all necessary paperwork, and be there during the dying process on the chosen day of ingestion. What’s interesting about many clients who choose MAID is that just having access to the medication is palliative in nature. Some people choose not to take it. The whole purpose in supporting this process is to avoid unnecessary suffering.
*California Only
ALZHEIMER'S, Dementia, and Cognitive aFFlictions
End-stage Dementia, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s or other afflictions of mind are especially difficult to navigate. If your loved one has been diagnosed you understand the challenges, probably feel overwhelmed, and are having to make a lot of difficult decisions. Jill is available to help you. She believe that those who suffer from these illnesses have way of speaking that may be faint but not invisible. With years of experience with memory care Jill has learned that we can listen through body language, pick up on subtle emotions, and allow the afflicted person to naturally guide us through their dying process.
How do I know if my loved one is end-stage? Watch their eating habits. If there is a plate of food in front of them and they don’t recognize it, smell it and crave it, do not force feed them. Often with end-stage Alz/Dem people get to the point where they forget how to chew and swallow. The golden rule is “always offer never force” If someone does not recognize food they are at risk of choking, aspirating, or even pneumonia. The lack of attraction or understanding of food is a sign your loved one is ready to start eating less, sleeping more and begin their dying process.
HUMAN SERVICES
End of life Services
This is more than an alternative to funeral homes. You choose the services you need at a fraction of the costs. Choosing a death doula gives you:
• More control of your death
• More options to make your death truly personal
• Total control of the services you need and want
• Lower costs
• No hidden costs
• A very personalized experience
• Referred to ethical funeral directors that offer green and cost effective options
Choose Your own TEAM
Jill’s main goal is for her clients to feel empowered and safe during their dying process. Having the dying person choose their own team is a big part of that. The team usually consists of a mix between medical professionals, the doula, family, and loved ones. Jill’s job is to facilitate everyone working together towards accomplishing the goals of the dying.
Logistics
Paperwork and logistics are often the last thing on a dying person’s mind. It can be overwhelming, confusing, and needs to be done correctly. Jill will help you navigate the details so that the dying can focus and be present during their dying process. Completing advanced healthcare directives, discussing and completing DNR orders, choosing healthcare power of attorney, choosing the right hospice, funeral planning, and legacy projects are all included in Jill’s services.
Funerals
& GOODBYE PARTIES
The last place anyone wants to go is a funeral home. They’re not designed for the dying or grieving visitors. Using Jill’s services you never have to step foot inside a funeral home, Jill can do the shopping for you taking away the sales pressure tactics often used by funeral homes. Client’s can be as traditional or as “out of the box” with their funeral as they like! Jill encourages fun, creativity, having parties before you die, green burial, creative scatterings, and so much more!
Cost of services
PRICING
Time is of the essence so you should have the right information about pricing available immediately. These prices reflect over a decade at the bedside working with hundreds of people dying. Everything here includes the services listed as well as my experience, education, and a compassion for your experience.
PACKAGES
The majority of people choose the Basic Plus Package however we can provide more services to suit your needs.
Á LA CARTE SERVICES
Everyone has different wants and needs. During your free consultation we can discuss other services that fit you.
